I love coffee. I hate terrible coffee. Most coffee is terrible.
Here’s an ongoing review of the shops that I’ve encountered during my quest for fabulous coffee.
Mud Coffee– I went with a girl who works at Starbucks. She liked it. I dug the vibe- mellow & cozy. Our waitress was on the impatient/dishonest side: the kind that says something is gluten free or vegan, regardless of it’s ingredients. She made me uneasy, so I played it safe & got a hot cocoa. Restroom? Yeah, I just went there. I’m pretty sure that men & the obese aren’t able to utilize their facilities. Luckily, I don’t identify as either.
Birdbath Neighborhood Green Bakery– They only brew one kind of coffee: the kind that you need to stay away from. First I tried it hot. I spat it out. Don’t judge me. That shit was nasty. Then I saw that they had a cold brew version (toddy). Fuck yussss!!!! Fuck no. It was smoother, due to the brewing process. I surmised that in during the 1.5 seconds that it was in my mouth. Good news: they have plenty of hippie dippy noms. Bad news: not too many of them are vegan.
Caffe Reggio– We walked in. A waitress sat us, walked across the room, walked back & expected us to be ready to order. Maybe I need to take a speed reading course. Speed blogging version of experience: no vegan food, bitchy waitress, scary coffee.
Hungarian Pastry Shop– The first thing that I noticed was their baked goods display. I guess that makes sense. They are a pastry shop. I glanced at the layout/patrons. The place was full of people who couldn’t hack it as hipsters (sad state of affairs). Whatevs. I’m there for coffee (& hopefully delicious vegan pastries). I ordered a black coffee (no vegan noms). I almost gagged when the runner set it on my table. It was acidic & bitter as fuck. I didn’t even have to taste it to know that. I gave it a go anyway. It assaulted my tongue (bitter, burnt & scalding hot). I pushed it away & backed into the corner of the booth. The stench was so strong that it nauseated me from across the table. I sat there for what seemed like eternity, waiting for my friend to finish his cappuccino. I am neva eva eva going back there. Ever.
Stumptown Coffee Roasters– Located in Ace Hotel, the trustfunder’s paradise. The coffee shop part is pretty much in & out- enough room to order… That’s about it. It opens up into Ace. Swanky crowd- anthropology majors (at the tables) & business moguls (at the bar). Music was subtly playing in the background. You won’t notice it, unless you’re listening for it. Decent selection. The coffee? Bitter- brewed too quickly (incredibly hot water). Vegan dairy options? Soy & rice- not my favs. Palatable? If surgeoned (heavily doctored), palatable. Revisits? Sure… for the bar.